How do I talk to my child about sexual abuse?

We need to talk with our children about sexual abuse because, unfortunately, it is all around us - in our homes and in our communities. In the United States, 500,000 children are sexually abused each year. According to FBI statistics, that huge number means that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused by the age of 18.
What can I do to prevent my child from being sexually abused?
While you cannot prevent your child from ever being harmed, there are ways you can reduce the risk that your child will be sexually abused.

1. Teach your child the difference between good touches and bad touches. Tell your children that "if someone tries to touch your body and do things that make you feel funny, say NO to that person and tell me right away." Practice saying NO, loudly, with your child.

2. Teach your child that respect for adults does not mean blind obedience. Be specific about what they should do, “Be good and listen to the baby-sitter when she tells you to go to bed.” Try not to tell your child, "Always do everything the teacher or baby-sitter tells you to do."

3. Involve yourself in your child’s activities. When you leave your child with a group or organization, meet the leaders and learn their names. Stay for a few minutes and watch how everyone interacts.
What should I do when my child tells me they’ve been sexually abused?

4. Believe your child: Children rarely lie about sexual abuse. Actually, 98% of child sexual abuse allegations are true. When your child tells you that he or she has been sexually abused, you might feel uncomfortable and may not know what to say or do. One of the most important things a parent can do is respond in a calm manner. Here are some ways you can make your child feel better:

A. Tell your child, “I’m so glad you told me.” If a child suggests that sexual abuse has occurred, encourage him or her to talk openly. A supportive response is the first step in getting your child help and reestablishing their trust in adults.
B. Tell your child, “You are doing the right thing by telling me.” A child may feel guilty about revealing the ‘secret’. Your child may feel scared, especially if the abuser has threatened to hurt them or other family members as punishment for telling.
C. Tell your child, “It is not your fault.” Most children will believe that they have somehow caused it to happen. They may even think of it as punishment for bad behavior. The abused child should never be blamed.
D. Tell your child, “I will do everything I can to make the abuse stop. This is a job for adults.” Show your child that you understand and that you take what he or she is saying seriously. Studies have found that children who are listened to by their caretakers recover faster than children who are not. Your reaction to the disclosure of sexual abuse is critical to your child’s ability to resolve and heal from the trauma that he/she has experienced.

What should I do now?

1. Call your local Department of Protection and Permanency. According to the law, anyone who has knowledge of child abuse must report it.
2. Call the Rape Crisis Center. We can help make sure that you and your child receive the proper medical and psychological treatment.

Believe Your Child and Remember – You Are Not Alone.

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